The breeze was fresh now and he sailed on well.
He watched only the forward part of the fish and some of his hope returned.
It is silly not to hope, he thought.
Besides I believe it is a sin.
Do not think about sin, he thought.
There are enough problems now without sin.
Also I have no understanding of it.
I have no understanding of it and I am not sure that I believe in it.
Perhaps it was a sin to kill the fish.
I suppose it was even though I did it to keep me alive and feed many people.
But then everything is a sin.
Do not think about sin.
It is much too late for that and there are people who are paid to do it.
Let them think about it.
You were born to be a fisherman as the fish was born to be a fish.
San Pedro was a fisherman as was the father of the great DiMaggio.
But he liked to think about all things that he was involved in and since there was nothing to read and he did not have a radio, he thought much and he kept on thinking about sin.
You did not kill the fish only to keep alive and to sell for food, he thought.
You killed him for pride and because you are a fisherman.
You loved him when he was alive and you loved him after.
If you love him, it is not a sin to kill him.
Or is it more?
"You think too much, old man," he said aloud.
But you enjoyed killing the dentuso, he thought.
He lives on the live fish as you do.
He is not a scavenger nor just a moving appetite as some sharks are.
He is beautiful and noble and knows no fear of anything.
"I killed him in self-defense," the old man said aloud.
"And I killed him well."
Besides, he thought, everything kills everything else in some way.
Fishing kills me exactly as it keeps me alive.
The boy keeps me alive, he thought.
I must not deceive myself too much.
He leaned over the side and pulled loose a piece of the meat of the fish where the shark had cut him.
He chewed it and noted its quality and its good taste.
It was firm and juicy, like meat, but it was not red.
There was no stringiness in it and he knew that it would bring the highest price in the market.
But there was no way to keep its scent out of the water and the old man knew that a very bad time was coming.